Why I Love This Town

BPD were arresting a gentleman for- honestly- what the fuck ever because it's Baltimore. The interesting thing is that while they were cuffing the suspect a random dude attacks one of the arresting officers. The funny thing is that exact freaking thing happened in the very first episode of The Wire. I tell you, this town.

There Are Two Ways To Look At This

The first is that the technology behind this 3D hologram and its synthetic voice is pretty darn sweet.

The second is to return to that place that we call "oh, Japan."

You will probably experience both of those perspectives in that order.

Also? Why did it have to be a horrific-dinner-plate-eyed anime girl? So, I guess that technically makes three ways.

Uh...Huh...?

I guess the first thing is this. An online Collectible Card Game (CCG) based around the Stargate franchise is, frankly, weird to me. And it's less the Stargate and more the online CCG that's doing the weirding. I can't even put my finger on exactly why it's weirding me out- in my younger days I played a number of CCG's from Magic: The Gathering to Marvel Overpower. What I do know is that conceptually it gives me a sense of unease somewhere between my first 2NE1 music video and the idea of a bug laying eggs in my ear.

So the second thing would be 2NE1, a K-pop band which serves as either a raging indictment of the wholesale exportation of American culture or a testament to the universality of girls shaking their...assets... as an indicator of cultural awesomeness. Possibly both. Picture, if you will...never mind. I'll just show you.

This was the first 2NE1 video I was exposed to (thank you, Jacob):


Then I found this, at which point I honestly did not even know what I was watching anymore:

I Don't Know If I Should Laugh Or Vomit

Maybe the vomit part is just the hangover talking, but still....Uwe Boll (nope, not just the hangover) is taking on the Holocaust.(unfortunately, you'll remember his "movies" House of the Dead, **Bloodrayne, Alone in the Dark, ect.) You're not delusional- you read that correctly. The man who essentially made a career on raping the collective gamer childhood is making a movie about the Holocaust. Specifically Auschwitz.

Granted, Mr.Boll has made a number of films not based on video games. They also suck in ways previously unknown to mankind.

*Hat tip: J.

**Corrected

So Very Wrong

Squid fly. That is all.

Creeeeeeepy

Just. Creepy. And, no, the pie doesn't help.

Oh, For Fuck's Sake

Maryland State Trooper caught with over 3,000 images of child porn on his computer. No, I honestly do not know what the hell to say to that.

No Offense To This Guy...

...but his wife is clearly a goddamn lunatic. Seriously, if my scroll bar is anything to go by, then I've just scratched the surface of this article and I can already tell.

The very second she said, "I don't want to have sex until Bella does." (yes, from Twilight), he should driven them both to his lawyer's home address, rang the bell, and demanded that divorce papers be drawn up at once on the grounds of his wife's newly discovered gross mental instability.

Wait. What. Just...Why?!

So in a handy little helping of "Why the sweet baby Jesus would you do that!?" I give you a link to the free ebook, Marienbad My Love*, the world's longest book.

Also? Here's what the "author" has to say for himself.


I think my summer reading project will be making my way through this monster. According to TVtropes' so bad it's horrible entry on it (4th entry down), not a word of it makes a lick of sense. Don't worry, I'll be sharing my trials and tribulations with you lovely people. So...I guess that means it's new tag time! I kind of want it to be something descriptive of what I'm sure will be the coming brain melting, but we'll just settle for MML.

I'll be starting the title today.

*Shortened- the full title is 60 pages long. No, really.

ZOMG, Baltimore, WTF

Seriously.

So over the weekend a Baltimore City police officer shot some dude 6 times (fired his gun 13 times) outside of a bar because- wait for it- the dude grabbed the ass of the officer's female companion. Needless to say, the dude is dead.

Additional fun facts:
1.) Baltimore City police are required to carry their fire arms at all times when within city limits. On or off duty.

2.) Our culprit has been in trouble before for shooting people while under the influence.

3.) McNulty! (end of video totally not work safe.)

I don't have anything to say about this because seriously, what.the.fuck. Though in closing, I would like to remind those of you playing along at home that The Wire was not just a show.

Like...Seriously?

This may be the saddest thing I've seen in a while. Finer parties have told better jokes than I can manage so I'm going to just add "what the hell, people."

Seriously, What.The.Hell. Nothing says "desperate pathetic loser" like completely abdicating all responsibility for attaining the basic minimum of social skills required to meet a girl and arrange a gaming session (without having to pay). I mean...you're not even gonna have sex with this person. There will be no longing looks. No cuddles. No pimply nerd grease awkward making out. Not even D&D themed cyber sex. This is even sadder than chat room dating and that's pretty damn sad. What I'm saying here, is that anyone who has to pay people to play video games with them online should make a rope out of their filthy tube socks and hang themselves with it because they have officially failed at life.

You know what should happen when you use Game Crush (as a paying client- I can understand being a payee because that's just opportunism at it's fucking finest)? The minute you arrange your "play date" your door bell rings. You answer it and lo and behold standing on the other side is God, who then proceeds to bitch slap you for all He's worth (which, you know, is probably a lot). He then tells you that you're the most pointless creation He ever thought of. He laughs at your tears (which smell like gravy). Then, out of a newly discovered sense of shame and propriety you go back into the basement and hang yourself with the tube sock rope, making the world a better place. Congratulations! The End.

Burn, Burn, Your Eyes Are Gonna Burn....

Some companies really shouldn't be online. Because I think we've just proven that there is such a thing as bad publicity.

Brain...Melting....

I...I...It's..a...well.... Oh, just here.

Ummm....

I mean, it's Russia, but still....

The company even offers publicity to purchasers to announce their new acquisition in case driving around in a penis, diamond, ruby and gold-encrusted armored vehicle does not attract enough attention.

Really?

Sometimes You Just Need A Break?

Apparently several officers of the law in Florida face possible sanctions for... bowling on a Nintendo Wii during a drug raid.

....Yeah....

Well That's Just About The Worst Idea I've Ever Seen

I mean seriously, using neurological scans to determine taxes!? Only a special breed of complete and total fucking moron can think that's a good idea.

Dude, Really?

Okay, I think the more pressing matter is what kind of moron keeps baby snakes in his pants pockets?

That's Not Creepy At All....

I mean a robot that can eat dead people for energy, what's to fear about that? Certainly not cyborg zombies or anything. I mean, yay technological advancement and everything, but is this really the direction we want to head in? Robots eating people? Maybe I'm crazy, but as cool as never having to charge my Roomba sounds, I don't want it to eat me to do it. Not even a little bit. This just has "Warning. Warning. Danger Will Robinson. Danger." written all over it. I'm just saying, when the zombie-robot apocalypse happens (and how do you prepare for that!? Robots? Prepared. Zombies? So prepared. Robot-zombies? The fuck!?) I'm totally going to say I told you so. From my undersea bunker.

*UPDATE* Here's more info on the harbinger of the end of the human race potential doom of us all the robot.

I'm Starting To Understand...

America's image problem overseas. I mean, what would you think of a people who bombarded you with things like this?

Agent Mulder Was Wrong

It turns out that high-as-a kite wallabies are the degenerate culprits behind Aussie crop circles. No, really.