Zombie Related Things

I'm tired of zombies.  There.  I said it.  Everywhere you look someone's doing some uninspired bit about the zombie apocalypse and it's boring.  I've reached the point where I look at zombie things the way anyone under 50 looks at news stories about popular You Tube videos, which is something like the way an adult looks at a small child they've allowed to beat them at game when that child is gleefully crowing their victory.

That said, when someone does something different or even kind of different they've earned some credit.  To that end, I bring you Exit Humanity:

This is by no means a flawless film.  (It is, in fact, deeply flawed.)  However, it tries to do something different and for that it is to be commended.  The makeup effects are delightful.  The story starts off interestingly (it gets really lost along the way, but it starts well enough).  There are also some really well executed animated bits.  If you have time to kill it's worth checking out, but have a friend on hand because Exit Humanity's redeeming features aren't enough to save it.

I Don't Know If I Should Laugh Or Vomit

Maybe the vomit part is just the hangover talking, but still....Uwe Boll (nope, not just the hangover) is taking on the Holocaust.(unfortunately, you'll remember his "movies" House of the Dead, **Bloodrayne, Alone in the Dark, ect.) You're not delusional- you read that correctly. The man who essentially made a career on raping the collective gamer childhood is making a movie about the Holocaust. Specifically Auschwitz.

Granted, Mr.Boll has made a number of films not based on video games. They also suck in ways previously unknown to mankind.

*Hat tip: J.

**Corrected

o_0

Hot girl fights Germans, dragons, and samurai. I give you Sucker Punch. You watch trailer now!

Can't Stop The Serenity

Charity screening of Serenity in Baltimore.

2012. Comedy Of The Year.

Whether or not it was intentional the enfant terrible behind Hollywierd's latest special effects gang bang has actually created a parody of disaster movies. The over saturation and over extension of numerous tropes combines to form a veritable Voltron of comedy.

For starters this movie fails science- all science- for eternity. It manages to fail astronomy, physics, quantum physics, oceanography, volcanology, seismology, and geology. That list probably isn't comprehensive. Seriously a planetary "alignment" (which they also add the center of the galaxy too via opening shot because why not) causes "mutant neutrinos" to "heat up" (I can only guess that they mean more than its usual state.) the Earth's core which then causes the crust to slide around (once again, we can only assume that they mean more than usual).

The ensuing disasters provide a backdrop for a stretch limo to corner like a Ferrari, jump like...well like all Hollywood vehicles with a floored accelerator, and outrun...an earthquake. Also an RV outruns a volcanic eruption. Yes. You totally just read that.

This movie delivers (spoiler alert) a tidal wave capsizing a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, a mysteriously filling compartment in order to drown a character of "dubious" morality, boats which look like the spaceships in Star Ship Troopers (the movie), a rich people suck plot, international government conspiracy, screw the poor, and die for our ship.

2012 could actually be the most brilliant comedy ever.

I've Got To See This Movie

Hold Onto Your Hats

Everyone's favorite scenery chewing actor is headed back to the silver screen this spring. Sure, Nicholas Cage's complete lack of subtlety and total commitment to over the top deliverance makes him ideal for horror films. But does anyone else feel that he's...I don't know...a little long in the tooth for the action hero roles he's been latching onto lately? Midlife crisis anyone?

This Is Going On Order Today

I give you, Melva Zombie Asskicker! No, really.

Worst. Ninjas. Ever.

Seriously. Real ninjas don't have sword fights in the middle of the street because the whole goal is not to be seen.

The Next Film On My List

I give you Vampire Girl VS Frankenstein Girl. (Campy gore warning.)

Wowzers.

This short film is definitely not for the squeamish, but it's seriously wicked cool.

MANIFEST DESTINY from Darrell and Doug Waters on Vimeo.

From the creators:

Every time I find myself the recipient of one of these late night phone calls, tramping through some back alley behind another dark abandoned warehouse . . . Stuttering another secret password. . . Entering another hastily constructed operating room. . . Scalpel in hand, performing another indescribable procedure . . . I see another pair of eyes . . . By now in the hundreds . . . Staring . . . Whenever I try to sleep . . . Another member of an unenviable audience. . . Asking a painfully simple question for which I have no answer . . . Why . . .
Cranston says I need to “detach”. I suppose he’s right. I can no longer bear their judgment. I leave them here. . . On the table . . . As I scribble my signature on the confidentiality agreement, I leave them to their fate . . . I say goodbye . . .

Weekend Stuff

I'm kind of a horror movie buff, so this weekend I'm totally looking forward to catching Sam Raimi's new flick, Drag Me to Hell.



It's nice to see him taking a break from turning Spider-Man into an emo loser getting back to his horror roots.

Surprise- Oh, Wait. Never Mind.

So the WaPo wastes valuable newspaper money paying staff writer, Jen Chaney, to piddle away everyone's time.

Apparently S. Darko, the straight to DVD abomination sequel to Donnie Darko doesn't actually look like b-movie hell, but it certainly feels like it. I mean, 1.) Completely unsurprising, and 2.) It's straight to DVD. I expect that sort of review from "hip" "urban" weeklies or some such, but the WaPo entertainment section? Really? What's next? "Vampires vs Zombies 2, better than the original- only the second worst film you'll ever see"?

Something To Watch....

Across the Universe is a must see.

The promo's looked very art-faggy, but the movie isn't at all what I thought it was going to be.

The renditions of Beatles songs are amazing and quite honestly, for the most part my favorite versions of the songs.

Watchmen....

...An agreement has been reached.

Which is good because people were...angry. Very very angry.

Your Mistake....

So... Amazon separates Japanese horror films from other Asian horror films. Okay. But I'm sure their efforts would be better met if they actually limited their "J-Horror" section to horror films that were made in Japan

However, so long as we're looking at the Vengeance trilogy, I might as well add that all three movies are amazing. And I don't use that term lightly. But I warn you,Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance has one of the most fucked endings I've ever seen. Not The Audition kind of fucked, where it's gross and disturbing, but a you just feel so bad kind of fucked. Still, if you haven't seen it you're really missing something.