This may be the saddest thing I've seen in a while. Finer parties have told better jokes than I can manage so I'm going to just add "what the hell, people."

Seriously, What.The.Hell. Nothing says "desperate pathetic loser" like completely abdicating all responsibility for attaining the basic minimum of social skills required to meet a girl and arrange a gaming session (without having to pay). I mean...you're not even gonna have sex with this person. There will be no longing looks. No cuddles. No pimply nerd grease awkward making out. Not even D&D themed cyber sex. This is even sadder than chat room dating and that's pretty damn sad. What I'm saying here, is that anyone who has to pay people to play video games with them online should make a rope out of their filthy tube socks and hang themselves with it because they have officially failed at life.

You know what should happen when you use Game Crush (as a paying client- I can understand being a payee because that's just opportunism at it's fucking finest)? The minute you arrange your "play date" your door bell rings. You answer it and lo and behold standing on the other side is God, who then proceeds to bitch slap you for all He's worth (which, you know, is probably a lot). He then tells you that you're the most pointless creation He ever thought of. He laughs at your tears (which smell like gravy). Then, out of a newly discovered sense of shame and propriety you go back into the basement and hang yourself with the tube sock rope, making the world a better place. Congratulations! The End.

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