This may be the saddest thing I've seen in a while. Finer parties have told better jokes than I can manage so I'm going to just add "what the hell, people."
Seriously, What.The.Hell. Nothing says "desperate pathetic loser" like completely abdicating all responsibility for attaining the basic minimum of social skills required to meet a girl and arrange a gaming session (without having to pay). I mean...you're not even gonna have sex with this person. There will be no longing looks. No cuddles. No pimply nerd grease awkward making out. Not even D&D themed cyber sex. This is even sadder than chat room dating and that's pretty damn sad. What I'm saying here, is that anyone who has to pay people to play video games with them online should make a rope out of their filthy tube socks and hang themselves with it because they have officially failed at life.
You know what should happen when you use Game Crush (as a paying client- I can understand being a payee because that's just opportunism at it's fucking finest)? The minute you arrange your "play date" your door bell rings. You answer it and lo and behold standing on the other side is God, who then proceeds to bitch slap you for all He's worth (which, you know, is probably a lot). He then tells you that you're the most pointless creation He ever thought of. He laughs at your tears (which smell like gravy). Then, out of a newly discovered sense of shame and propriety you go back into the basement and hang yourself with the tube sock rope, making the world a better place. Congratulations! The End.
Showing posts with label games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label games. Show all posts
4.05.2010
2.05.2010
It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Blizzard.
So the snow had started coming down before I left for work. I will spend 1.5 hours on the clock today. I will then head to Best Buy (or Game Stop- both are loathed) and pick up Modern Warfare 2 or Bayonetta. Then off to the market to snag some frozen pizzas and the booze mart for some...well- booze. It's shaping up to be a long and glorious weekend filled to the brim with achievements. I'll see you on Xbox Live- totally before you see me.
11.19.2009
10.29.2009
I Guess That's One Way To Look At It
Apparently Nintendo is blaming the economy for the drop in Wii sales.
I'm sure that's part of it. But the less than glittering truth is that Wii sales benefited from gamer backlash over the initial price tag of the PS3. In fact, the slogan "Wii 360" was adopted by gamers who decided to only purchase Nintendo's Wii and Microsoft's Xbox 360 due to what was seen as exorbitant pricing on Sony's part. Now that the price of all three consoles has dropped, the Wii is basically left pushing its novelty which is backed by a generally unimpressive selection of gaming titles. Unfortunately for the Wii, its novelty is self defeating when it comes to most of the standard game genres- random stick waggling is a less efficient way to navigate action/adventure, fighting, and standard (non-Wii sports) model sports games than random button mashing.
Sorry, Wii. You were always destined to be a niche market product. It looks like you're finding out that niche wasn't a large as you thought.
I'm sure that's part of it. But the less than glittering truth is that Wii sales benefited from gamer backlash over the initial price tag of the PS3. In fact, the slogan "Wii 360" was adopted by gamers who decided to only purchase Nintendo's Wii and Microsoft's Xbox 360 due to what was seen as exorbitant pricing on Sony's part. Now that the price of all three consoles has dropped, the Wii is basically left pushing its novelty which is backed by a generally unimpressive selection of gaming titles. Unfortunately for the Wii, its novelty is self defeating when it comes to most of the standard game genres- random stick waggling is a less efficient way to navigate action/adventure, fighting, and standard (non-Wii sports) model sports games than random button mashing.
Sorry, Wii. You were always destined to be a niche market product. It looks like you're finding out that niche wasn't a large as you thought.
6.06.2009
The Console Wars
It's been a while since I dropped in on Penny Arcade, so I had some catching up to do. I eventually got to this post and its accompanying comic.
I grew up during the console wars and it left very real marks on me. My memories are not as traumatic as Gabe's; I was Sega fan firmly entrenched amongst other Sega fans. Rivalries were bitter then. Sega's initial shot across Nintendo's bow from all appearances should have been fatal.
16 bits. Those of us who had been unknowingly wandering in the 8-bit desert of the Nintendo Entertainment System had seen a river and been told to drink deep. I remember the first time I saw a commercial from that set (the above being a later one); me and several other kids were sitting at the kitchen table of the woman who watched us after school. Our jaws fell open. We went downstairs and turned on the NES already dissatisfied. We had seen the promised land and knew we weren't in it. We had all just placed one item at the very top of our Christmas wish list and underlined it. Several times.
God, it seems so quaint now. These days no one talks about bits anymore. Any console from the original Playstation on doesn't sell you on hardware jargon, but features and screen shots. Bits are a thing of the past. But during the console war bits, colors, and processing speed were what it was all about.
Nintendo responded to the Genesis with the 16-bit Super NES and the console wars raged. It seems like forever that it was just those two behemoths slugging it out. Genesis trying to capitalize on it's superior speed, SNES trying to capitalize on it's bright colors. Nintendo added a new piece of hardware to the SNES cartridges, the Super FX chip, which made the SNES as fast as the Genesis. Sega released its first add-on to the Genesis, the Sega CD, which increased storage capacity (though not bit processing power). It's mostly known for a seemingly endless barrage of comedically bad live action games. Like Night Trap:
By this point other companies had started to get into the race and Sega released its second add-on to the Genesis, the 32x. (Feel free to skip the theme song.)
The height of the console wars (the 32-bit battle) saw Sony, Atari, Phillips, and Panasonic enter the fray. The Phillips CDi crashed and burned because it was an over-priced piece of dreck which had all of 5 games because it was more interested in being an entertainment center than a gaming platform. The Panasonic 3DO had more games, but only one was any good. No wait, I'm thinking of the Atari 64. The 3DO didn't have anything worth mentioning aside from low sales and a short life span. Sony stuck around with the Playstation because (I grudgingly admit) it was a good platform, but also because Sony is the seven-headed dragon and they own large portions of a ton of third party licenses which brought game exclusivity to meaningful levels. We'll get back to that later.
The 64bit Sega Saturn marketed itself as a 32bit platform because while Sega made brilliant stand alone consoles their marketing department should have been keelhauled and then shot for good measure. Nintendo was content to let the SNES carry the load during the 32-bit era and...that didn't fail spectacularly.
Atari's 64 hung in for a little while, but the real battle was between Sony's PS and Sega's Saturn:
Sony's entry into the console wars was a game-changer though. Before Sony, the majority of exclusive games for any given platform were those that were made by it's company. The same third party titles were essentially available on all platforms. It wasn't necessary to own every system. One would suffice. Hardware was the primary reason to buy a console and that created fierce brand loyalty. Sony's financial power over many third party developers would eventually result in the end of the console wars. There's no war when your average gamers has all available platforms. Now having exclusive third party titles is the norm, and instead of missing out on a good gaming experience most gamers just own multiple consoles. Sometimes that makes me a little sad.
Jeebus. This post is way longer than I intended. Sorry folks.
I grew up during the console wars and it left very real marks on me. My memories are not as traumatic as Gabe's; I was Sega fan firmly entrenched amongst other Sega fans. Rivalries were bitter then. Sega's initial shot across Nintendo's bow from all appearances should have been fatal.
16 bits. Those of us who had been unknowingly wandering in the 8-bit desert of the Nintendo Entertainment System had seen a river and been told to drink deep. I remember the first time I saw a commercial from that set (the above being a later one); me and several other kids were sitting at the kitchen table of the woman who watched us after school. Our jaws fell open. We went downstairs and turned on the NES already dissatisfied. We had seen the promised land and knew we weren't in it. We had all just placed one item at the very top of our Christmas wish list and underlined it. Several times.
God, it seems so quaint now. These days no one talks about bits anymore. Any console from the original Playstation on doesn't sell you on hardware jargon, but features and screen shots. Bits are a thing of the past. But during the console war bits, colors, and processing speed were what it was all about.
Nintendo responded to the Genesis with the 16-bit Super NES and the console wars raged. It seems like forever that it was just those two behemoths slugging it out. Genesis trying to capitalize on it's superior speed, SNES trying to capitalize on it's bright colors. Nintendo added a new piece of hardware to the SNES cartridges, the Super FX chip, which made the SNES as fast as the Genesis. Sega released its first add-on to the Genesis, the Sega CD, which increased storage capacity (though not bit processing power). It's mostly known for a seemingly endless barrage of comedically bad live action games. Like Night Trap:
By this point other companies had started to get into the race and Sega released its second add-on to the Genesis, the 32x. (Feel free to skip the theme song.)
The height of the console wars (the 32-bit battle) saw Sony, Atari, Phillips, and Panasonic enter the fray. The Phillips CDi crashed and burned because it was an over-priced piece of dreck which had all of 5 games because it was more interested in being an entertainment center than a gaming platform. The Panasonic 3DO had more games, but only one was any good. No wait, I'm thinking of the Atari 64. The 3DO didn't have anything worth mentioning aside from low sales and a short life span. Sony stuck around with the Playstation because (I grudgingly admit) it was a good platform, but also because Sony is the seven-headed dragon and they own large portions of a ton of third party licenses which brought game exclusivity to meaningful levels. We'll get back to that later.
The 64bit Sega Saturn marketed itself as a 32bit platform because while Sega made brilliant stand alone consoles their marketing department should have been keelhauled and then shot for good measure. Nintendo was content to let the SNES carry the load during the 32-bit era and...that didn't fail spectacularly.
Atari's 64 hung in for a little while, but the real battle was between Sony's PS and Sega's Saturn:
Sony's entry into the console wars was a game-changer though. Before Sony, the majority of exclusive games for any given platform were those that were made by it's company. The same third party titles were essentially available on all platforms. It wasn't necessary to own every system. One would suffice. Hardware was the primary reason to buy a console and that created fierce brand loyalty. Sony's financial power over many third party developers would eventually result in the end of the console wars. There's no war when your average gamers has all available platforms. Now having exclusive third party titles is the norm, and instead of missing out on a good gaming experience most gamers just own multiple consoles. Sometimes that makes me a little sad.
Jeebus. This post is way longer than I intended. Sorry folks.
5.07.2009
I'm Geekin' Out!
Thanks, J., for pointing out this free e-book of The Great God Pan.
The rest of you folk may not know that yours truly is a huge Lovecraft fan, and the man, himself, frequently proclaimed The Great God Pan to be his biggest inspirations.
Also, I'm kind of re-addicted to the x-box 360.
The rest of you folk may not know that yours truly is a huge Lovecraft fan, and the man, himself, frequently proclaimed The Great God Pan to be his biggest inspirations.
Also, I'm kind of re-addicted to the x-box 360.
4.20.2009
Video Game Goodness
Io9 has a gamespot feature on the new System Sh.... I mean Bioshock 2. In spite of the fact that Bioshock is essen... okay is System Shock and the typical haloed white knight/slavering pit beast polarity of its "moral choice" component, it's still one of my favorite games of the past few years.
It's beautiful, creepy, and fun. When it comes to the survival horror genre that's the cat's pajamas right there. (Though the top two positions still belong to Silent Hill 1&2 because those games managed to flat out scare the hell out me.) So here's to hoping that Bioshock 2 will be as good as it looks.
It's beautiful, creepy, and fun. When it comes to the survival horror genre that's the cat's pajamas right there. (Though the top two positions still belong to Silent Hill 1&2 because those games managed to flat out scare the hell out me.) So here's to hoping that Bioshock 2 will be as good as it looks.
3.28.2009
2.03.2009
That's Atypical....
This little news blurb is...well... see for yourself. I mean it doesn't exactly smack of the Global Jihad. The game is a product of Crave Entertainment, a subsidiary of Handleman Corp. So it's just...odd.
1.12.2009
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